I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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