At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
