when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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