You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
