were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
