Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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