Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
