i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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