I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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