Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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