Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
