there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
