I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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