using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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