Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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