it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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