i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
