I can text with my tongue
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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