Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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