I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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