If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
