he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize