No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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