You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
