he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
