apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
