guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Are we still banned from the library?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
