Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wanna go halves on a baby?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
