then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
