ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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