I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
