Someone shit on the floor
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
