I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
