It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
