Will you blow on my dice?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just cut my nipple shaving
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
