Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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