I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
