The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
