Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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