Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
