i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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