I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
