I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
