Just mADE A PArabola og urine
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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