I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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