Walk of Shame today included voting.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
