it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dicks are not precious.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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