so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
