if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
