I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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