Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
