so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
