meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
