Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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