i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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