the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize