she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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