remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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