Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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