Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry my hands just texted you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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