after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
