Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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