her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
