Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
