i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
