I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
