people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
