This is not my ceiling
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
