okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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