i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
