I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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