i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
