I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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