we're chasing vodka with high fives
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
