I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
