So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
