The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
